Born in Florida, I spent a lot of time hanging out with pelicans on the jetty.  My Mom thought the way the birds surrounded me caused me to look like a little wise man.  I don't remember.   If I wasn't hanging out with birds, there was a good chance I was at the airport with my Dad, watching the planes take off.  I had an affinity for things that flew, for things that could quickly leave the place they were and go somewhere else.  I don't remember much about my early childhood other than the fact that I use to be really allergic to cheese and that I had a dog named Cane that I would run away from home with. 

I remember some of my fears; being afraid of Mary Poppins in kindergarten, the fire alarm in first grade, and home invaders up until I was a teenager.  I use to like going to air shows, eating hamburgers, and going swimming in freshwater ponds.  I loved dogs and I always wanted to have a sibling.  Its hard to remember what actually happened in my childhood because I learned the benefits of lying at a very young age.  It was standard protocol in my parent's relationship, to not say what you mean, and to not mean what you say.  By the time I understood the consequence of communicating this way, the habit of skirting reality had already been created, and although it was more time consuming, it felt easier for me to create and maintain a big dramatic lie than it did for me to come clean.  In fact, I began to fear the exactitude of truth and how without creating the lie, I would have no control over determining the story line of reality.  The lie gave me power and control, where as the truth gave me freedom which I was afraid of. 

The pattern of dishonesty started with my own communication to myself with the way I possessed my feelings.  In order to not feel certain emotions I would simply lie to myself about how I felt.  Then through practice, I learned to believe the lie.  My parents use to fight everyday so I would tell myself that I liked it, when in truth it made me so afraid I thought I could have died.  Sometimes, when it was real bad, I would dance in between them, as if it were a party and I was celebrating.  My emotional relationships to the world were being built backwardly.  My associations with positive and negative phenomenon were forming out of false connections.  It was out of fear of my own self destruction that I created this shell to live inside of, the corner stone of my lie, the place I had complete control over.

Now, stop feeding me Macdonald's hamburgers.