I couldn't find an illustration for this story because it appears people jump off of cliffs in two popular ways... wearing parachutes or with deep water underneath them.  I had neither.  Actually, I was wearing spandex which probably forced me to fall even faster.   It was a spontaneous moment of limitation changing proportions, to seemingly force myself to face my death with only my faith in my vision and my performance to protect me.  As the FDR quote goes, "There is nothing to fear except for fear itself."  Incomplete statement. The quote involves having a fear for fear.  There is nothing to fear, not even fear.   The act of facing fear is the means to see through the illusion.  The only reason facing fear inspires fear is because we do not clearly see what its like to be without the fear.  We do not clearly see the success of facing our fear, the freedom from our fear, or the full belief in who we are without identifying parts of ourselves with the fear.  Fear is an act of stopping love and the act of stopping love is the truest form of aging. 

                                   "There is nothing to fear when you are filled with love". -adaptation

I was surrounded by the Alps in the village of Makarora, halfway between Wanaka and Haast on the South Island of New Zealand.  Traveling with Dave and Pearl, two Irish hitchhikers I picked up at a drum and bass club a few days prior, it was mutually decided we'd stop.  After being couped up in the car surrounded by some of the Earth's most beautiful scenery, it was time to go romping around in it and explore.  I stuffed my face with a plate of homemade vegetarian food, changed into some active wear, and went running northward up the road to "Panic! At the Disco.."  blaring in my ear.  I came to a mountain trail and stopped.   Looking up toward the snow covered peak thousands of feet above me, I went by my sense of attraction without the guidance of my logical thought process.  The soft sub tropical rain forest floor felt far more forgiving than the firmness of the asphalt.  The space between the trees was well balanced.  The trees were old and tall.   They allowed for the passing of light through their highest branches so that the vegetation below could thrive and grow upwards in unison.  I felt surrounded by my family, took my headphones off and let the sounds penetrate me.  I approached the river flowing with the cold force of melted glacier water.   The rock deposits were piling over and the sand was shimmering in the far reaching light that found the canyon floor.  I dipped my hand in.  It was the purest water I had ever tasted.  I took in another moment and the climbed then riverbank back to the path. 

I followed the rim of the canyon to a steep precipice.  I stood on the edge of my physical existence and felt free, showering in the sun.  I sat to meditate and experienced the vision that would form my run-in with death. 

I saw myself flying off the ledge into the arms of a tree, a member of my family, a part of myself.. it was my first experiential brush with deep ecology.  I touched my arms to make sure I was still really there.  I tried to get it out of my head, the vision of jumping off a cliff, but it wouldn't budge.  I saw it vividly, over and over.  It was sharp like a blade.  I finally opened my eyes.  Looking downward, off the edge of the cliff I saw the cluster of trees that had appeared in my vision.  Immediately, I understood and felt extremely frightened.  The compulsion was so organic, it came from the trees, from the child residing deep within me wanting to discover.  I had no doubt, none what so ever.  But, logic threw a fit and tried as hard as it could to skew my intuition. 

I was torn, pacing back and forth on the cliff side.  Reason after reason why I had to trust myself and jump compiled in my mind.  I saw the vision clearly.  I have been climbing trees for years, meditating with them, I was quick and graceful in their branches.  My experiences facing fear, they all brought me to this point where I had this massive opportunity to move forward.  I knew it wasn't truly a risk.  It was breaking the hold of my self imposed limitations.  It was ...GAH!  I tried twice to jump but stopped at a screaming halt.   I was laughing, witnessing myself in the middle of nowhere trying to convince myself to jump off a cliff into a patch of trees growing on the side of a steep canyon wall.

Once and for all... this is the moment.  I am going to JUMP.. NOW!