There is a sneaking suspicion that fights egoistic desire.  It slowly gains momentum through the passage of time spent engaged with an ever increasing realization and confirmation that you are caught in someone's emergent pattern of destructive behavior.  It's a trap.  It's a place to break free from.  Its a residence on a deserted island, pure bliss and pure isolation amid a growing dissatisfaction.  The island seems to shrink over time.  It tightens its contstriction through pedictability in what I call, "the age of sameness", where we literally age from experiencing too much of the same.  Everything is known.  A lush, unexplored, and densely thriving habitat, a place of extreme beauty and natural gravitation transforms into an arid landscape, harsh to trudge through.  Everyday becomes hard.  The boundary of the shoreline, in its soft wispy white edges made of waves re-birthing, becomes jail bars. But, at the same time, the bars are invisible.  You've made it your home.  You want to believe the bliss is real, but its surrounded now by the betrayal of one's self at the onset of the urge, when the sneaking intuition was first ignored for egoistic gain.  

If we examine the levels of betrayal as if we were traveling from the highest branches of a beautiful Kapok tree to the deepest point of the root system, the core of the tree's foundation, the highest branches represent the primacy experience of the most recent pain, the inheritance of a relationship damaged by broken trust.  As with the deserted island analogy, the inheritance of broken trust is easily overlooked as the compilation of past mistakes obsessively and repetitiously forces us to depart from present time as a means to tolerate our circumstances which are inherently unacceptable, unhealthy, and self destructive.  Escaping the constraints of a broken trust relationship is breaking out of the story line and back into present time.

When we travel downward into the core of older branches, we begin to recall the deeper predecessors to the primacy inheritance of broken trust.  We begin to see the inheritance has been with us long before the primacy experience.  We find conditioning from our childhood through betrayals seemingly committed by our caregivers and our nurturers, those who we attached our survival to and depended on.  As a foundation for dependence, it was necessary to make believe that those care givers who were not trustworthy, were.  Protection from the truth that your care giver or nurturer is unfit to give care raises feelings of loneliness, helplessness, and powerlessness, feelings which as a child, can often be confused with imminent death or destruction.  In essence, we learn to tolerate betrayal by telling ourselves that there is none.

Progress deeper into the trunk and we find our own self betrayal, the co-creative force for all other betrayals to become.  Self betrayal occurs cyclically as its emergence is realized through the return from each attempt to escape it.  There is no escaping self betrayal.  It will continue on perpetually as a disability unless it is brought into conscious awareness, healed, and released.  We habitually betray our sense of self when we seek distraction from our true discomfort surrounding our sources of approval.  The perpetual cycle is maintained by looking outside of ourselves for foundational support, love, and acceptance.  The foundation for betrayal of self is to not depend upon one's self.  Thus, in a sense, the self is abandoned.  This abandonment sets up the perpetual return to self betrayal by manifesting itself through the actions of others who betray us, though in this form it is easier to blame another rather than to realize that the betrayal is the manifestation of a personal choice.  The repetitious experience of betrayal in our lives arises purely to face betrayal so that we may learn to depend on ourselves for comfort, support, soothing, and self love.  The fear of betrayal in a sense is the fear of our own choice.  Its possible, before birth, we may have chose parents who were unfit to provide the love and support needed for optimal development specifically so that we may face the lesson of self betrayal carried over from a past life.

At the deepest root, underneath our sense of self, we progress into our energetic body where the inheritance is stored in our DNA. The trauma of betrayals accumulated through the choices and conditions of our ancestors resides in us before our sense of and understanding of self is born.   Whispers of our tolerance for betrayal comes from here, deeply embedded into our energetic fabric, the basis of our physical form.  Even deeper than the feelings of betrayal attached to others are the feelings of betrayal attached to the Earth and the environment.  Through the past sinking of continents, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, droughts, tsunamis, floods, animal attacks, the moments of collective passing through which a fear is ignited by a volatile or devastating event, a lashing out of the world upon us that results in the taking of our lives, our deepest fear is born.  Such a trauma may be stored as a break, a pain, a betrayal, in the mentally contrived interpretation of ourselves through reincarnation.